Schlaumeier 
Friday, 06 .January, 2006, 01:51 - Deutsche Einträge, Comedy, Thoughts
Das Wort Schlaumeier ist zwar gut gemeint, enthält aber (ähnlich wie Guerillakrieg) Redundanz.

Der Schlaububis Gescheitas Mayrüsümüs (ante Danubia) ist der Vorfahre sämtlicher Mayerischen und Meiereien und wurde so genannt da der den Farbfernsehr bereits 1769 vuzZ (vor unserer zivilisierten Zeitrechnung) erfand und nur deshalb keinen Empfang hatte, da es damals noch keine Privatsender gab und die öffentlich-rechtlichen Sendeanstalten wieder schliefen. Erst viel später, nämlich um 1890 uzZ gelang es Maxwell-Mayer mit einem rethorischen Trick dies zu ändern. Er verzapfte einen frei erfundenen Blafasel über angeblich real-existierende elektromagnetischen Wellen, dem RTL und SAT1 ca. hundert Jahre später auf den Leim gingen. Possierlich ist dabei, dass andere Meierische, wie z.B. Albert Mayer-Einstein und Werner von Mayer-Heisenberg auf diesen Witz Maxwell-Mayers eingingen und eine ganze humorige Theorie des elektromagnetischen Spektrums entwarfen. Der Witz wird von einigen Hinterwäldlern noch heute ernst genommen, dabei weiß jeder, dass ein Trum Speck auf jedem südtiroler Bauernhof günstig zu ersteigern ist.

Dass die Allgemeinheit Witz und Scharfsinn der Mayerischen immer wieder verkennt oder gar verwechselt ist nicht deren einzige Tragik. Der Ziehvater der griechischen, hinterindischen und auch chinesischen Zivilisation war ein ausgeprägter Teamwork-Einzelgänger und konnte, in Antizipation privater Duschkabinen, schon wärhend des Pleistozäns mit links onanieren und sich mit rechts einseifen. Die Onanie mit Links wird selbst in heutiger Zeit von etlichen, vom Affen abstammenden Humanoiden, noch nicht beherrscht.

Alle großen Freidenker, Humanisten, Aufklärer, 68er und Trambahnfarer können ihre Herkunft auf den Mayrüsümüs zurückführen. Der Familienname Mayer wurde 1577, nach der rethorischen Rekonvaleszenz Ottos des Siechigen, erst in München, dann in ganz Süddeutschland wieder eingeführt und nur den schlausten aller Gescheiten zugedacht. Dank der Unfähigkeit einiger Schreibknechte aus der Schmittlinie (al dente Danubia) verflachte aber die Schreibweise dieses großartigen Namens in manchen Ortschaften des Voralpenlandes und wurde zu "Meier", "Majer", sogar Formen von "Mayr" und "Meyr" wurden gesichtet.

In diesen Tagen sind die Nachfahren des Mayrüsümüs im missionarischen Auftrag überall auf der Welt unterwegs und helfen bei der Abrichtung und der (in seltenen Fällen möglichen) Aus- und Weiterbildung von Schwaben und Friesen.

Schlaumeier ist dagegen ein Begriff, der von den ewig vergesslichen Schmittlingen aufgebracht wurde, um sich immerfort an die überlegene Geistesausstattung der Mayrüsümüs zu erinnern.
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To those who ask how my vacation is 
Tuesday, 21 .June, 2005, 19:42 - English Entries, Thoughts

When I ate the Pizza Quattro downstairs in one of the four Pizza places around my home, there was a seagull sitting on a car and looking as if it owned it. Most likely the seagull did, just the guy who parked the vehicle there did not know. That happend while the sun was shining, the Pizza hot and the beer good. Amazing how many things are going on in parallel - pedestrians found the time to walk by, grass was growing on the other side of the road.


Is it a bird? Is it a ...


Soon we will have two holidays in a row, i.e. all shops will be closed. I wonder what would be worst to run out of during that time. There is always the filling station around the corner, I know, but maybe all oil resources get used up until Friday and the filling stations have to close down. I am sure they can still survive by selling milk, bread and other food for prices higher than chemical stocks, but let's don't make the thought too complicated and just assume I would run out of chocolate, coffee or yoghurt. I am meditating about this question, that at the moment - with two holidays coming closer, as said - seems of existencial importance.

In order to proof to me that I am not completely paralized by fear, I went down to the supermarket and bought all three goods in heavy overdozes, just to ensure that I will face the problem only mentally but not physically. Although the White Stripes say: "The problems at hand are lighter than at heart" I would not like to try.

Now the coffee is brewing, just one more cup of coffee. I opend all windows and a bee or something like that flew in. It stopped in the air. Waited. Flew a straight line down to the left. Waited again. Flew a straight line up left. Waited. Always when waiting it was moving its little wings very fast and tried to look like an electron, of which you can either know the position or its speed, but never both at the same time - blurry and impressive. It flew some more straight lines before it left - in a straight line. What I really regret is, that I do not remember the geometrical pattern it drew into the air, with the heavy green leaves of the birch (koivu) trees as a background. Maybe it was message. Something like "Don't let your coffee brew too long, else it will taste bitter" or the coordinates of the planetary system, from which the insect origined.

It is deep in the afternoon, the sun will be out another six or seven hours. My brain leans lazy on the top of my spine and the music sounds beautifully destructive. And the grass is still growing, listen to it!


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Vacation Started 
Friday, 17 .June, 2005, 19:39 - English Entries, Finland, Travel, Thoughts

This evening at 18:00 I left the office and went by bike from Pitajamäki to Töölö, where I live. During that ride my holidays started. Two weeks in Finland, no plans, no too big tasks, besides reworking my part of this for the second edition.

On Wednesday I was in Bonn. It was my first visit there and as it was work related I did not see too much. I arrived there already Tuesday evening, but the hotel was too far from city center to go for a walk.


Is this a sunset over Bonn or a power plant blowing up?

During Wednesday lunch break we took a walk along the Rhine, the sun was up and 30 degress Celcius were hanging around in the park. I saw the bulding in which the members of parliament once worked (Abgeordnetenhaus - der lange Lulatsch) and also the exciting tower of Deutsche Bundespost - both on the other side of the river.

At least I made it at some point in my life to the capital of the country that I have lived in 20 years.

In Helsinki the summer has settled to stay for a while. The whole week was sunny, temperatures up to 20 degrees Celcius and the forecast looks similar. Soon it will be midsummer, the longest day. Now it is 22:22 (10:22 pm) and over the roof of the neighbour building hangs a light blue sky with a growing moon on it.


Finlandiatalo from across Töölönlahti
Picutre taken at 03:30 in the morning

My neighbours have to listen to the song "Deiche" of Kettcar - a powerful rock song with good German lyrics. The right thing to start vacation.


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Mankind Consists of 10% of Itself 
Saturday, 11 .June, 2005, 19:30 - English Entries, Thoughts

Many people think, that 90% of mankind are stupid. These people, who think so, always count themselves into the 10 remaining percent.

Following this line of thought, everybody, when asked, will be sure to belong to the 10% of intelligent people. The remaining 90% seem not to exist at all.

Mankind therefore consits of only 10% of itself. This means that all mankind is of high intelligence and the overpopulation of earth is no problem at all.

As if that wasn't clear from the very beginning.



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The Meeting Room 
Wednesday, 01 .June, 2005, 19:26 - English Entries, Thoughts


For meetings that go on over several days, only one meeting room exists in time and space. That room has seeral rows of tables and chairs, a white projection screen and no windows. Sometimes there are microfones on the tables, sometimes they are located on the walkway between the tables. Sometimes there is a carafe of water on every table, sometimes you can get water in the back of the room. These things change from meeting to meeting, but that is only done to make the participants think, they would sit in a different meeting room than last time. But that is not true. It is always the same.

Usually outside the meeting room the sun is shining. That's why there are no windows. An urban legend reports, that there once was a meeting room with a window front, but the curtains were closed all the time in order to make the projected picture of a laptop screen visible for the participants.


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